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Do We Get Along? Sign-by-Sign

Scorpio woman and Virgo guy

Virgo: “I get along with Virgo’s just fine. I was married to one. Once.”

It’s been my experience that this is a relationship with a degree of merit to it. With a star rating system, I’d give three out of a possible four stars. And back in the background, you can hear that Virgo guy, back there in the background, complaining that he didn’t get a perfect four–star rating. And that’s exactly why he didn’t get a four star rating, so he can have something to moan about.

If you’re dating a Virgo, I’ll promise he will give you endless stories to tell—and plenty to moan about, too. He’s not bad, he’s just drawn that way.
Imagine that your little Virgo date looks perfect. Here’s this guy you’ve obsessed about. Perhaps you first saw him when he was in one of your classes. He’s studying something interesting, some arcane branch of science, but he also knows something about music. Maybe he’s in a band. He’s a pretty hip guy. You like him a lot. And there he is, sleeping on your couch with his arms around you. He doesn’t even seem to snore which is a definite plus. You look longingly at his body. You haven’t consummated this relationship yet. But you’re sure thinking about it. He stirs and you’re as quiet as you look at his perfect little buttocks beneath those tight jeans. Suddenly he lets one rip. Flatulence.

You’re going to find that Mr. Virgo isn’t quite perfect. He’s darn nice. In fact, I like him a lot. But I’m not going out with him, and he’s got a few little hang–ups, a few quirks, a few extra sets of gears. This relationship can work, but you’re going to have to adjust to a male Virgo mindset. To this day, he still denies that he let one rip. You and I know different, but that’s the story he’s sticking to.


Scorpio female and Taurus male

Taurus: Interesting. That’s a nice way to put it. That’s the polite way to put it. Bizarre also comes to mind. What we’ve got, what you’ve got your hot little Scorpio claws on, is the most sensual of the signs, Taurus, and the most motivated to be sensual of the signs, the Scorpio woman. But both signs are fixed, and with a fixed to fixed relationship, the basic problem is always that stubborn energy. Maybe it was an attraction at first sight, but there is the potential for great problems, too.

Taurus is a dirt sign, which means it is associated with the element of earth. You know deep feeling Scorpio is a water sign so mix the earth and water, and the conventional astrology suggests you wind up with mud. It’s not a pleasant thought. But if you can move this relationship out of the wrestling arena and off the stage for a minute, there is another key element at work with this fixed nature.

There is also a degree of stability in there. That is the good part. When a fixed sign makes a commitment, it’s there for life. In the case of some of my Scorpio friends, they are there for lifetimes. This stability will feel like it’s destiny, in fact. At one point, you will feel like this a relationship that has the fine hand of Fate working in it.
The biggest problem with this particular relationship is the fact that when a disagreement arises, when there’s a heated discussion about who is right, both signs are willing to fight to very bitter end. The good news is that with a Taurus, the kiss and make up part can be fun. The bad news is that deep–seated resentments can form. And there’s no better way to poison a Scorpio girl than give her something to be resentful about.

If you decide to stick with a gentle Taurus lad, the only serious recommendation that I have is to work on some form of problem resolution. In fact, get this in writing. Agree on a way to handle disagreements. Work something out before it ever happens. Your Taurus can be a dependable critter, but you’ve got to learn how to handle the disappointments, the setbacks, the every day misunderstandings—ahead of time.

As an after thought, don’t hesitate to put your Taurus on a short leash. Cell phones are now common, let me know, I can get you a deal on one.


Capricorn woman and Leo man

Leo: The opposite of this relationship, the Leo girl and the Cap guy seems to work very well. Now, the reverse of this situation is okay, but it’s not nearly as good as its counterpart. The pieces are all here, the parts all fit, but there is also a subtle clash of ego driven desires and needs that don’t quite work as well as they should. A trip to the bookstore, and a copy of the best selling Mars and Venus book wouldn’t hurt. There’s a hierarchy of desires, not really needs, but things that are wanted, which sometimes encounters difficulties in this relationship.

A Cap girl is a strong and steadfast companion. So is a a Leo guy. But there’s an interplay of personality where the Leo needs to know he is number one. And while a Cappy girl can certainly give into this little game on occasion, there are some instances where she doesn’t buy it. She just can’t admit he’s the best that there is. A Capricorn usually keeps something in reserve. It’s not like this is an inherent characteristic, it’s more like a learned behavior. Overcoming this sense of being unable to completely abandon herself to this relationship is the problem. If this problem is faced, the rewards are immense because there is nothing finer than a Capricorn. But it is a tough call. There’s some communication details that need to be worked out. There are some little difficulties with getting a message across to the Leo that is very important.

I’ve always maintained, and with good reason, that a Leo can usually detect an insincere moment. And it’s often a moment of hesitation for a Cap. While she’s not being insincere, it does come across that way to the Leo. This is where the friction starts. Is it curable? Sure. Is it worth it? It can be. But go back and hit the relationship books first. Learning how to communicate is what will make this relationship work.



I met Kramer Wetzel in early 1996. He told me that my life would soon change dramatically, but in very good ways.

The next day my mother died.

Six weeks later he was back on the radio show I produced. When I told him what happened he looked at my chart again and said, “Dude, looking at it in other ways, at least you’re in the right place to really launch your radio career…they love you here.”

The next day I got fired.

And started to look into spending the last few dollars I had on a hit man to bump off an astrologer I knew.

Turns out that he had put the wrong year on my chart so all his readings were off. The moral to the story? When you’re telling Kramer your birthday info don’t try and do it over the enchanting hiss of a jumbo sized can of fix o’ flat. He was doing some home improvements…the single–wide had a flat, was therefore leaning, and was therefore making his CD changer skip. An eclectic blend of The Grateful Dead, Fatboy Slim, Hank III, and Mozart is all the more chaotic with rampant skipping.

I should’ve picked a better time to give him my information. These things happen, as with all aspects of life, timing is everything.

But the man does know romance. He’s given me advice on every female who has crossed my path since our friendship’s conception. Actually, most of the advice has all come down to one word…


Run hard, run fast, run silent, run deep. But run. Run like Mexican H20 through a Nebraskan Spring Breaker. But the key word was “Run.”

And he was always right. But I turned him onto cigars, so he owes me to help me find “the one.” Oh wait…he set me up with my own web page, www.astrowhore.org. So I guess he doesn’t owe me squat. Good think I kidnapped his cat on the way out of the trailer for some leverage. Who’s your daddy now, bitch? Read on. The boy’s good. And I use that word in the loosest of definitions.

The word, “boy,” that is. The “good” part I meant. And no, he’s not paying me to say any of this. Hell, the guy still owes me $17.

— Bubba Sean

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Virgo Female and Cancer man

Cancer: Okay, let’s try this one: Virgo girls are great. Cancer men can be wonderful. It’s not a pairing up without a degree of good stuff going for it. There is a problem, though. You want to fix the fence in the backyard. He wants to “play house,” which looks a lot more like something else, if you know what I mean. He might get around to that fence, but in typical Cancer fashion, there’s going to be a degree fumbling along. First, he’s got to go to the hardware store. Then it’s the building supply place. Then, after he’s looked at that fence for a minute or two, he mutters something, and he’s got to go to the lumberyard. So far, your fence still needs to be repaired, there is a pile of supplies in the backyard, and yet, nothing has happened.

See what I mean? He’s got the idea, but he lacks a little follow through. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just the way this guy works, your Cancer guy. At the risk of sounding condescending, “Hey, some of my best friends are Cancer dudes….” Or is that tone patronizing? Something like that…

Getting Mr. Cancer Guy into action can sometimes take a little work. It can be done. Use your wily feminine charms on him. Ply him with sweet foodstuffs, okay, maybe just pretzels and beer, but try something on him. Be as nice as sweet potato pie. Better yet, Pecan Pie. You get the idea. Try just about anything nice. And learn to approach him indirectly. Don’t run all over his sensitive self because he is sensitive, even if he hides it under a macho bluster.

Back to the fence, remember it? You wanted it fixed, and he spent the entire morning running around, gathering supplies, making a little pass at you, and then plopping down in front of the tube for a game. Bring him a beer, and quietly remind him that you were hoping to get that fence done today. As soon as the game is over, remind him again, but try rubbing against him and purring. That seems to work.

Romance is a tough topic for this guy to talk about. Don’t push him too hard or too far, on any one occasion. Let him unfold, a little at a time, and I think you’ll be amazed at what can grow out of this.


Pisces girl and Pisces guy

PiscesPisces: It wasn’t supposed to work. It wasn’t a good idea. But that’s never stopped a Pisces because, let’s face it, a Pisces can make anything work if they want to.

I’ve seen this unlikely relationship actually work better than most because of the similarity between the basic compassionate nature of both parties. Not long ago, I ran into a Pisces pair, and it was wonderful. Happy, blissful, and probably not very well grounded, but then, like I’ve suggested before, reality might be a little overrated. It’s not like this relationship between two Pisces is not based in the real world, it’s just that the average Pisces can usually detect a minimum of four dimensions, as compared to the three that most of us work with. Maybe four, maybe five, maybe, hey, who’s bothering to count, and isn’t that numbering system just an artificial way of trying to impose one kind of order on their version of reality, anyway? See? It just doesn’t matter to a Pisces.

There’s one problem with this idyllic scenario. Occasionally, a Pisces guy will try to interrupt this dreamlike state by injecting some of the normal, day–to–day reality stuff. Don’t let him do it. Doesn’t work, and those concerns will gradually lift, given enough time.

If it is a Pisces and Pisces relationship, though, consult an astrologer, I can think of one I would recommend, and see what he has to say about moon signs for you two. That’s going to be an important issue in this relationship because dear sweet Pisces can be so sensitive.


Pisces girl and Aquarius guy

PiscesAquarius: Oh no. Oh yes. Maybe. It’s not a relationship without some merit, and to be truthful, I’ve seen it successful more often than not. But there is a small problem with an Aquarius male, and that goes back to the basic difficulty with the Aquarius sign itself: aloof, apart, different, diffident. But no sooner is that said, than the Aquarius, rising to the bait of the situation, sets out to prove us all wrong. And that’s where this relationship can work.

AquariusIt depends on a few elements in a chart, not just the sun sign alone, but with an Aquarian male, you’ve got a chance. The chance depends on his ability to transcend the innate difficulties associated with this sign. And, to a large part, this is also dependent on the compassion and understanding of the Pisces. Equivocate your needs. Explain what you want. Ask for what you want. Ask for a little more than you need, too. This insures that you get some of what you want. Remember that the Aquarius male loves his brain, and brain games are the best way to hook them up.

There’s a refreshing and unusual quality found in this sign’s basic make up. Don’t be afraid to reverse roles, either. It’s also a sign that depends on certain immutable desires. Be very careful before putting big changes into action. Tread carefully, but don’t be afraid to walk.

Get used to the fact that he’s “thinking about it” at the moment. He will demonstrate his care and concern eventually. Maybe not fast enough, but with good communication, this is workable.


Pisces girl and Capricorn guy

Capricorn: To be honest, I have to love both these signs. There is a quality, though, in this relationship that might cause some problems on that long and lonely highway of life. In fact, as long as you are dating a Capricorn guy, you’re going to feel like the Highway Department has abandoned maintenance on this section of the road. The road with a Capricorn is long, it winds around a bit, and there are some pretty big potholes. In fact, on more than one occasion, you’re going to find your sweet Pisces self wondering just when you turned off the Freeway of Love and headed down this rock strewn, obstacle laden dirt road of Capricorn land.

It’s not always that bad. If you were a car, though, I would see a Pisces as a Cadillac, not Jeep or similar all–terrain vehicle. Ever notice that a disproportionate number of Texas Ranchers prefer the Cadillac brand over any other vehicle? Know why? It’s a tough car. It can take the abuse that even an old truck sometimes can’t take. That’s one tough car. And because you’re a Pisces, not only are you tough, but you’re pretty, too. Just like that fancy sedan.

The problem with this relationship is that question, are you actually up to the task of taming a Capricorn guy? That’s the positive spin. The bad news is that you’re not sure you want to be up for the taming of this guy. That’s the negative spin. It’s like that dirt road of love, it’s not all smooth–sailing. The ride can be rough at times. In fact, there are times when you might get despondent and just want to turn back. The problem with a Capricorn guy is that this is a narrow road, and when it gets to be the worst possible conditions, you’re going to find that there is no place to turn around. No way out. And backing down that road is even worse than trying to push on.

If you are involved with a Cap guy, make sure that you have a tow–rope. Make sure you carry a shovel, maybe some extra supplies. It can be very good. There will be days, maybe even long stretches like that bit of road in West Texas that doesn’t have a curve for over hundred miles. Then there will be the detours. The potholes, the washboard surfaces, those sorts of things. It’s both good and bad, and it depends on what kind of luxury you demand in your relationship that determines the quality of this ride.