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Do We Get Along? Sign-by-Sign

Sagittarius girl and Sagittarius guys

SagittariusSagittarius: All I can say about this is “go for it.” Ah, c’mon folks. I’m Sagittarius and I’ve had one Sag girl break my heart. And no sooner said than done when a flurry of other Sag girls worked their way into my life. I can’t say anything bad about them. Not a one.

There’s too many Sagittarius girls in my files, too many of them are good looking, too many of them are fun, passionate, considerate, ready to go at the drop of a gym bag, for me not to be rather encouraged by this Sagittarius and Sagittarius relationship. There is a problem, and the problem has to do with a lot of extraneous factors. Which one will leave the relationship faster? Which one will get up one morning and announce, “I’m thinking of going to study in France this week,” pack up and leave?

It’s a valid question. There’s much that is good here. Perhaps it’s too much of a good thing, or perhaps it’s two people that are very much alike. Or perhaps the problem is the fact that the male Sagittarius is little more wandering than the female. Or it might be reversed—you can never tell.

The passions are certainly strong, the love is enduring, but the day in and day out sort of mundane tasks are the sort of thing that wears these two out. This is a relationship built on mutual admiration and strong passion. Alas, the problem with passion is that it can burn out. It really does depend on who has the most fire in his or her chart, but the one with the most fire stands a chance of burning quickest, perchance too quickly, and wearing out the relationship.

In the best of times, this is one of the best of relationships. In the worst of times, however, due to the similar responses from both parties, the worst characteristics of the Sagittarius creatures are exacerbated. Means when it gets tough, the scene gets really ugly in a hurry. The good news is that there is always hope for reconciliation within this grouping.

Timely note: Pluto is currently in Sagittarius and he’s made aspect to maybe half of us so far. He will realign your thinking about a relationship. Consider it a focus point kind of astrological influence. If it’s already hit, ya’ll are cool. If he ain’t visited yet, just be prepared.

The inherent problems with a same–sign relationship are multiplied when both the signs are the Mighty Archer. Given the Sagittarius penchant for grandiosity, as long as it’s good, it’s great. Keep that thought, and keep it upbeat.

Who loves you, baby?


Aquarius guys

AquariusAquarius guys: This sign used to be ruled by Saturn until Uranus came along, quit making butt jokes. It’s the sign of the “Black Hat” These are outlaws of the zodiac. It’s really an air sign, too, and stubborn, at that. They never fish with the right bait, but they wind up with the biggest catch. Like I said, Outlaws to the very end of it. While everyone else names their boat after a girlfriend, these guys have big, black boats with serious depth fish computer-aided Bass demographic devices on board. And the boat’s name is usually something like, “Killer.”

Grocery store: “Why must you do this to me?” asks the Aquarius. In my limited observation over the past 20 years, what I’ve seen more often than not, is that an Aquarius in a grocery store buys hardware. You know, a cooler for the upcoming picnic, maybe some lawn furniture. However, that same Aquarius will go to the department store and find foodstuffs to buy. So if you’re going to go shopping with an Aquarius, be prepared for a little bit of a change up. It’s not going to be the way that you think it’s supposed to be.

Shopping at midnight: This one is easy because it’s just like the grocery store, and, in fact, I have more data about Aquarius in Wal-Mart at two in the morning than I care to. Groceries and car parts. And maybe some food for the pets. The Aquarius will also have a certain aloof behavior towards going in Wal-Mart; however, this gradually slips into a sense of merriment when you encounter all the strange things that inhabit a super store after the normal hours of business. The Aquarius is looking for a few food items, and maybe a new alternator for the truck. All at the same time. Perhaps this isn’t what most people do at 2 in the morning, but this fits the Aquarian schedule just fine. Maybe a little spray paint, too, because they are going to need to leave a message soon.

Brick wall: Don’t forget that Aquarius is a fixed sign. No news here. So when an Aquarius encounters a brick wall, they whip out a can of spray paint and leave a graffiti message on it. Perhaps this message is a suggestion that might be anatomically impossible, or, at the very least, rather uncomfortable. Still, the message will be properly punctuated and spelled correctly. Do anything about it? That’s not the Aquarius’s job, they are busy dealing with other problems by the time you read the writing on the wall.

Bait: Rattlin’ Rogue — this is a super–duper, time–tested lure that works better than anything else. Besides, with a name like Rogue, you know that there is something special about this lure that will definitely catch your fish. Better yet, the Aquarius fish is always drawn towards a roguish display of humors, as some would say. And the top water action of this lure is bound to attract the eye, and the mind, of the Aquarius. And if you catch his eye and mind, then you’ve got an Aquarius, hook line and sinker.

Body part: Ankles, calves, lower leg.



I met Kramer Wetzel in early 1996. He told me that my life would soon change dramatically, but in very good ways.

The next day my mother died.

Six weeks later he was back on the radio show I produced. When I told him what happened he looked at my chart again and said, “Dude, looking at it in other ways, at least you’re in the right place to really launch your radio career…they love you here.”

The next day I got fired.

And started to look into spending the last few dollars I had on a hit man to bump off an astrologer I knew.

Turns out that he had put the wrong year on my chart so all his readings were off. The moral to the story? When you’re telling Kramer your birthday info don’t try and do it over the enchanting hiss of a jumbo sized can of fix o’ flat. He was doing some home improvements…the single–wide had a flat, was therefore leaning, and was therefore making his CD changer skip. An eclectic blend of The Grateful Dead, Fatboy Slim, Hank III, and Mozart is all the more chaotic with rampant skipping.

I should’ve picked a better time to give him my information. These things happen, as with all aspects of life, timing is everything.

But the man does know romance. He’s given me advice on every female who has crossed my path since our friendship’s conception. Actually, most of the advice has all come down to one word…


Run hard, run fast, run silent, run deep. But run. Run like Mexican H20 through a Nebraskan Spring Breaker. But the key word was “Run.”

And he was always right. But I turned him onto cigars, so he owes me to help me find “the one.” Oh wait…he set me up with my own web page, www.astrowhore.org. So I guess he doesn’t owe me squat. Good think I kidnapped his cat on the way out of the trailer for some leverage. Who’s your daddy now, bitch? Read on. The boy’s good. And I use that word in the loosest of definitions.

The word, “boy,” that is. The “good” part I meant. And no, he’s not paying me to say any of this. Hell, the guy still owes me $17.

— Bubba Sean

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Taurus Female and Scorpio Male

TaurusScorpio: This is possibly one of the best or worst, depending on a few factors, combination. While I have one or two stunning examples of how it works well with Taurus girl and Scorpio guy, I also get many Taurus females who complain bitterly about the behavior characteristics that are endemic with Scorpio guys. Do a little research and find out what you are considering, when considering this union. Like I’ve suggested, I have a few cases where it’s a long–term, long–lasting combination. But I’ve also heard about how it blows up pretty bad, with much gnashing of teeth, and foul words at 20 paces. Lawyers, even, are called in.

When it works, it’s because the Taurus girl can recognize the smoldering sexuality of Mr. Mysterious. She accepts that, and doesn’t worry about the fact that he always seems to be up to something. She doesn’t let that thought trouble her serene Taurus tainted worldview. In some cases, she shrugs it off and writes it off as “male behavior.” Don’t forget that the Taurus herself is smoldering sensate of superior sensuality, therefore these two can find a common ground. That, and the opposition of Taurus and Scorpio can make for an instant attraction. In this case, when it works, the instant attraction never, ever fades.

ScorpioBut that isn’t always the case, and it does seem to be the exception to the rule. These are the two most fixed signs in the zodiac. Each one has a tenacious quality that never seems to go away. At all. Ever. Get over the idea that you are going to change each other. I’ve yet to find a Scorpio guy that changes willingly for his date. What seems to be the normal course of events is that this starts out as a torrid romance and then dissolves as the participants both have an impossible time advancing their own agendas. It usually involves some small disagreement that escalates into a full–time war. And no relationship should ever look like a war zone. Each side, both Taurus and Scorpio, in this case, grind their collective heels into the dirt and stand fast. It seems that there is small point of order, perhaps a principle rather than a real situation that causes the initial conflict. It just never seems to get any better.

Both signs are very stable, but if you ask either one, the other one is “a psychotic personality, obviously.” When it does work, it’s because there is some high degree of satisfaction and stability present. But when a person argues with a Taurus female or a Scorpio male, some one has to lose, and neither of these signs are willing to concede a point. When it’s good, it’s great. It will last forever. But if there is the slightest hint of dissatisfaction, get out while you still have one shred of your own human dignity left.


Scorpio gal and Sagittarius guy

Sagittarius: I love a good Scorpio. In fact, I’ve loved more than one. And escaped with my life. But it is a dangerous proposition at best. That’s also the allure of the Sagittarius male for you. I just hope I don’t slip up and ever call him a Sagittarius man because that implies a degree of maturity which, next to a fine Scorpio like yourself, is just going to be lacking. I’ll do my best to eschew any further men bashing jokes, but it does you good to remember to approach your Sagittarius like a big boy.

He likes to play, and that sense of merriment that he can infuse into any situation is something your Scorpio self enjoys. That’s the good news. And with a Sagittarius fellow, you do have that sense that everything is fun, every mundane task can take on a special glow, like it’s all one great big adventure in Fun Land. That’s the good news.

The downside of this is that occasionally, your Scorpio self is going to want some grown up decisions out of this guy. You want him to take matters at hand seriously for a change. You want him to act like a grown up. He can be many things, but if it’s act like a grown up, remember that it’s only a game to him. That will eventually wear thin on your Scorpio soul.

If there’s something else in his chart, or, for that matter, your chart, too, then this can be an exciting combination. Will it last forever? Don’t forget that “forever” is a long time, and the Sagittarius guy might not have that long of an attention span. “Forever and ever,” a term I commonly employ, usually means next week. You might keep that in mind when dealing with one of us.


Pisces girl and Pisces guy

PiscesPisces: It wasn’t supposed to work. It wasn’t a good idea. But that’s never stopped a Pisces because, let’s face it, a Pisces can make anything work if they want to.

I’ve seen this unlikely relationship actually work better than most because of the similarity between the basic compassionate nature of both parties. Not long ago, I ran into a Pisces pair, and it was wonderful. Happy, blissful, and probably not very well grounded, but then, like I’ve suggested before, reality might be a little overrated. It’s not like this relationship between two Pisces is not based in the real world, it’s just that the average Pisces can usually detect a minimum of four dimensions, as compared to the three that most of us work with. Maybe four, maybe five, maybe, hey, who’s bothering to count, and isn’t that numbering system just an artificial way of trying to impose one kind of order on their version of reality, anyway? See? It just doesn’t matter to a Pisces.

There’s one problem with this idyllic scenario. Occasionally, a Pisces guy will try to interrupt this dreamlike state by injecting some of the normal, day–to–day reality stuff. Don’t let him do it. Doesn’t work, and those concerns will gradually lift, given enough time.

If it is a Pisces and Pisces relationship, though, consult an astrologer, I can think of one I would recommend, and see what he has to say about moon signs for you two. That’s going to be an important issue in this relationship because dear sweet Pisces can be so sensitive.


Pisces girl and Aquarius guy

PiscesAquarius: Oh no. Oh yes. Maybe. It’s not a relationship without some merit, and to be truthful, I’ve seen it successful more often than not. But there is a small problem with an Aquarius male, and that goes back to the basic difficulty with the Aquarius sign itself: aloof, apart, different, diffident. But no sooner is that said, than the Aquarius, rising to the bait of the situation, sets out to prove us all wrong. And that’s where this relationship can work.

AquariusIt depends on a few elements in a chart, not just the sun sign alone, but with an Aquarian male, you’ve got a chance. The chance depends on his ability to transcend the innate difficulties associated with this sign. And, to a large part, this is also dependent on the compassion and understanding of the Pisces. Equivocate your needs. Explain what you want. Ask for what you want. Ask for a little more than you need, too. This insures that you get some of what you want. Remember that the Aquarius male loves his brain, and brain games are the best way to hook them up.

There’s a refreshing and unusual quality found in this sign’s basic make up. Don’t be afraid to reverse roles, either. It’s also a sign that depends on certain immutable desires. Be very careful before putting big changes into action. Tread carefully, but don’t be afraid to walk.

Get used to the fact that he’s “thinking about it” at the moment. He will demonstrate his care and concern eventually. Maybe not fast enough, but with good communication, this is workable.


Pisces girl and Capricorn guy

Capricorn: To be honest, I have to love both these signs. There is a quality, though, in this relationship that might cause some problems on that long and lonely highway of life. In fact, as long as you are dating a Capricorn guy, you’re going to feel like the Highway Department has abandoned maintenance on this section of the road. The road with a Capricorn is long, it winds around a bit, and there are some pretty big potholes. In fact, on more than one occasion, you’re going to find your sweet Pisces self wondering just when you turned off the Freeway of Love and headed down this rock strewn, obstacle laden dirt road of Capricorn land.

It’s not always that bad. If you were a car, though, I would see a Pisces as a Cadillac, not Jeep or similar all–terrain vehicle. Ever notice that a disproportionate number of Texas Ranchers prefer the Cadillac brand over any other vehicle? Know why? It’s a tough car. It can take the abuse that even an old truck sometimes can’t take. That’s one tough car. And because you’re a Pisces, not only are you tough, but you’re pretty, too. Just like that fancy sedan.

The problem with this relationship is that question, are you actually up to the task of taming a Capricorn guy? That’s the positive spin. The bad news is that you’re not sure you want to be up for the taming of this guy. That’s the negative spin. It’s like that dirt road of love, it’s not all smooth–sailing. The ride can be rough at times. In fact, there are times when you might get despondent and just want to turn back. The problem with a Capricorn guy is that this is a narrow road, and when it gets to be the worst possible conditions, you’re going to find that there is no place to turn around. No way out. And backing down that road is even worse than trying to push on.

If you are involved with a Cap guy, make sure that you have a tow–rope. Make sure you carry a shovel, maybe some extra supplies. It can be very good. There will be days, maybe even long stretches like that bit of road in West Texas that doesn’t have a curve for over hundred miles. Then there will be the detours. The potholes, the washboard surfaces, those sorts of things. It’s both good and bad, and it depends on what kind of luxury you demand in your relationship that determines the quality of this ride.