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Cancer guys

Cancer

The Crab

Cancer guys: It’s a Cardinal Water sign, and the crabs can fit these personalities pretty well since this can be the original white trash trailer house group. They can up and move that house in no time, rather than leave anything behind. Watch out, these guys are ruled by the moon, and flit through moods faster than most. It’s a water sign, too, so these characters lead with their emotions. If you can get them out to the lake, they are the greatest of fishermen.

Grocery store: Look out baked goods, here comes Cancer! In the grocery store, the Cancer is often found lingering over the pastries and other, similar baked goods. Nothing is quite like this. I observed, on many occasions, my favorite Cancer male subject in the store at weird hours of the night, searching for a cupcake. If you really want to see what catches a Cancer, eschew other bait, and lay a trail of cupcakes and cookies. It isn’t guaranteed to work, but I’ve seen it be pretty effective, in fact, more effective than some real bait I’ve used.

Shopping at midnight: A Cancer might loathe the very idea of shopping at a super discount warehouse of a place, but there’s a slightly pecuniary side to the Crab as well, and this makes shopping strikes, especially after midnight, a good idea. Of course, there’s a lack of direction that the Cancer subject might display, sort of an idle, almost aimless wandering around the store at that hour. There’s a chance to linger over the various food groups –– nothing there will match up to the Cancer’s degree of taste. Still, there are those old blueberry muffins that look good –– and then there’s the clothing section because you can never tell what kind of a bargain you might find on a decent shirt. And don’t forget the oil for the truck, you’ve been meaning to pick up an extra quart.

Brick wall: When confronted with an immovable object, square in the face, like the ubiquitous brick wall, the Cancer usually reverts to what his sign is symbolic of: the Crab. Sure, a Crustacean is a shellfish, lives in and out of the water, but have you ever really observed a little crab down at the beach? I had chance not long ago, down on the Texas Gulf Coast. And it’s really true –– the crabs don’t seem to move in a forward direction. With their big claws and funny shell, the crab always seems to move sideways. And that’s how a Cancer often approaches a problem: sideways. He’ll scamper to the left, to right, but never come out and address the problem head on. Just like the crab at the beach. There is a way around the problem, and the Cancer might be able to find it, as long as it isn’t sitting right in front of him.

Bait: Bacon strips –– Nothing works better for catching a Cancer than food. And what could be a more tasty bait than a nice, decent bacon strip? In fact, a bacon strip that is double–hooked works even better. The only other thing I’ve seen work on Cancer is a little fish that looks like a minnow, but seems to be a major ingredient in Caesar Salad and compliments Pineapple on pizza. Be forewarned, not every one likes them little fish. I’d stick to the Bacon, myself.

Body part: Stomach and breasts.

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Kramer Wetzel

KramerWetzel.com

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